The Five Lies of Youth Ministry: Part Three - "Keep Them Entertained"

Young people love loud music, concerts, and entertainment. So let’s use this as our tool for evangelization. Let us entertain them and, in doing so, lead them to Christ. Make sure there is loud music when they arrive to youth group, and loud music when they leave. Make sure there are plenty of skits and silly songs and coloring and crafts and activities. Oh, and avoid silence in adoration—they are not ready for that yet. They need some music to stir their souls and emotions before the Blessed Sacrament...

Youth groups tend to be loud. Very loud. When there isn’t loud music, there are loud games, loud skits, and loud leaders. Occasionally I feel like the Grinch holding my ears due to all the “Noise, noise, noise” down in the Whoville of youth ministry. Yet they need this, they’re not ready for monastic silence… right?

Last year, I led a high school retreat down in Grand Island, Nebraska. In the afternoon, before our closing Mass, I sent all of the young people outside to find a spot and just be alone in silence.  And thirty minutes later, when rounded up, they begged for more time. “I’ve never sat for that long in silence. It was so refreshing!” was the standard response. As it should have been. They were embarking on the first steps of conversation with God.

Christian music has its place, as does “praise and worship” and games and skits. But youth ministry has become so addicted to these side performances that they now struggle to bring young people to the main event. Young people are afraid of silence because their youth ministers are afraid of silence, and as a result no one is hearing the voice of the Lord. Remember the story of Elijah on the mountain? How God was not in the wind or the earthquake or the fire? But rather how God called Elijah through a “still small voice”? God calls in silence. And we wonder why we have no vocations.

 Silence should be the heart of youth ministry, because silence is the heart of prayer, and what are we doing in youth ministry if not teaching young people how to pray. Pope Benedict called prayer “being in silent inward communion with God.” Each week, students should be taught the art of being still, the art of being. We cannot presume to send young people on mission if they cannot be still and silent—if they cannot pray. As the soon-to-be-saint John Paul wrote, “In order to do, we must first learn to be, that is, in the sweet presence of Jesus in the Eucharist.”

And it is there, before the Eucharist in adoration, that our young people need the most silence. Yes, music can be nice, for a bit. But the heart of their prayer must be silence. In silence men hear the call to go up to the altar of God, and women hear the call to put aside the jewels of this world for the pearl of great price. In silence the saints contemplated the great mysteries. In silence were their souls stretched, and in silence were their ecstasies. We must teach young people the art of silence. For only in silence do young people realize that they are beloved children of the father. Only in stillness do we know that God is God. As St. Augustine writes, “Men could be master of this world if only they were willing to be sons of God, for God has given them the power to become his sons. But the unhappy friends of this world so fear to be separated from its embrace that nothing is more toilsome to them than to be at rest.” May we teach young people that toil comes in the noise of this world, which distracts us from the sanctuary of silence where vocation and peace are found—where God is found.

The Five Lies of Youth Ministry: Part Two - "Mixed Small Groups!"

Keep the boys and girls together! Why should we separate them if in the “real world,” they must live and work and share together? Creating little youth group frats seems to violate the call of Christ to spread the gospel to all, and may only make your young people effective in proclaiming Christ to those of their own sex. Oh, and this eliminates the need for the ever hard to find male youth group leader, as anyone can lead a mixed small group.

Let’s get one thing straight off the bat—I think young boys and girls need good and holy interaction and I think a youth group is a good avenue to provide it. In addition, I am perfectly fine with women leading youth groups. Whew. Ok

That being said, I think the general trend in youth ministry to make everything co-ed—not least of all small groups—is crippling the ministry and the men and women therein.

I refuse to make the case that men and women are different. If ever there was a self-evident truth claim (a phrase that I am all too weary of to begin with), this is one of them. Or perhaps this is simply a tenet of common sense, as obvious as the statement “blue is not pink” or “apples are not oranges.” Boys are not girls, and girls are not boys. And despite similar humanity and to a degree anatomy, their very natures are different. This latter point regarding natures may be less evident to the biologist or the skeptical academic. It is, however, most obvious to anyone who has observed children, or been a child himself. Boys are certainly not girls. And vice versa. That is settled and there is no debate to be had.

Therefore, they must be treated differently, taught to embrace their different roles, and led on the path to Christ in different ways. Christ led Mary and Martha to the mystery of his person differently that Peter, James, and John. He called the woman at the well in one manner, and Matthew the tax collector in another. There is a reason that one of the highest vocations in life—the vocation of a consecrated religious—is a call to live men among men and women among women. And while the preservation of celibacy remains a primary reason for this division, another reason often forgotten is that this highest vocation can only be lived in communio, within the bonds of holy fraternity and sorority. Even in the sacrament of Holy Matrimony, husband and wife must continue to foster friendships with their respective sex in order that they might more perfectly love each other. There is something of holiness that can only be discovered man to man, woman to woman.

This wisdom applies to our situation in youth ministry today. The needs and differences between men and women can be seen most evidently in the small group. In a small group of girls, though it may be difficult at first to attain participation, when one girl breaks, the whole crew can become as chatty as we all know high school girls can be. Likewise, when one girl cries, the rest usually join in weeping as the women of Jerusalem. It’s how women are. I don’t pretend to understand.

For men, however, they can sit for hours without saying a word. And they will. Men must share a common physical experience. Running, wrestling, woodworking, whatever it may be. Once this is had, only then can men begin speaking about the deeper things. And those deep conversations are often had in the midst of that common physical experience. If you want to get a young man to speak, work on a project with him, do some manual labor, or take him for a drive. You’ll be surprised at how much a young man can talk, and how much young men want to talk.

Youth ministers must emphasize that men and women are different, and they must then let them grow as such. Along with co-ed retreats and youth nights, there ought be men’s and women’s retreats and men’s and women’s small groups. Quite frankly, women add nothing to men’s small groups but a beautiful distraction and temptation to pride. And I would assume that men add something similar to women’s small groups.

In that crucial stage of young adulthood that high school students embark upon, it is ever necessary that the friendships that carry them through are good, holy, and fraternal/sororal. Men will be led to Christ most quickly by the love and witness of holy men. And women likewise by holy women. Again, this does not exclude the possibility to men led by women or vice versa. Rather, this is an outline to what seems the quickest path to the heart of Christ for young people. Because anything else is a waste of time. 

The Five Lies of Youth Ministry: Part One--“Come Down to Their Level”

Youth ministry has been around the block a few times in the last fifty years. Walk into your average Catholic Church these days and you can get a pretty quick feel for their brand of spirituality, and the diversity of brands on the market. Some take the therapeutic approach, sporting the motto “Healing” and “Justice” around a Christ-less stone “Serenity Prayer” cross while encouraging mission trip upon mission trip at the expense of the ever foreign phrase “Eucharistic adoration.” Others seek personal and authentic relationships with young people through skits, songs, and the ever-precious goofy youth minister. Still others have hopped onto the latest train of the New Evangelization, coasting through Steubenville, Ohio, and Denver, Colorado, holding tight to their papal crucifix’s. Yet whatever the modus operandi, all are subject to the good, the bad, and the ugly (the latter unfortunately most evident in the “California Jesus” and the cover of your most recent Gather hymnal). Perhaps most startling are the lies that continue to pervade even the best youth ministry programs in the Church. The following five are only an outline, the beginning, a sort of “Five Deadly Faults” from which all others stem from. Yet these have appeared time and again in all of the aforementioned youth ministries. Enjoy, or perhaps, beware.

The First Lie: Come Down to Their Level

The freshest phrase in youth ministry, “We need to come down to their level.” Or, better yet, “We need to be incarnational.” And that means we need to dress like them, speak like them, dance like them, have fun like them. We should be one of them, and in doing so lead them to Christ. They will not respond to someone who is different, standoffish, or too pious. They need someone who is one of them, like Christ became one of us. Then they can be led to God.

Sounds convincing. Very convincing. Especially the bit about being “incarnational.” After all, is that not the goal of the whole human life, the general vocation of all the faithful, to make Christ incarnate in one’s being? Yes, it is, but the manner in which this is done has done far more to hurt youth ministry than to help it. The reality is, young people do not want someone who dresses and talks like them. They want someone who is different, who stands apart, who is constant. They want someone who doesn’t blow with every light cultural breeze, but someone who speaks with the confidence of a Dominican preacher and acts with the decisiveness of a martyr. That is what young people want. They don’t care if you wear name brands or funny Jesus-T’s or ripped jeans. In fact, the people they respond to the most wear Roman collars and full habits. We do not need to come down. We need to be constant. That is the virtue of magnanimity. It is not pride, but rather confidence in the work of Christ in your soul. They do not want someone who is down with them, but rather they want someone who is up on the mountain, and who inspires them to climb to meet them. They want someone on Calvary. And even though they may shout at you “Come down to our level,” it is not because that will help them, but rather because they are afraid of the difficulty in doing the good. After all, was that not the challenge of the bystanders on Good Friday—“If you are God, come down…” We hear it again today, “If you are holy, come down…” Yet we must not come down, but instead call upon the young people to “Come higher, friend.” For Christ did not save the world in coming down from the cross. He saved it by inviting us to be crucified with him.

"The Secret of Notre Dame": Cardinal Dolan's Inspired Commencement Address

The following was delivered on May 19, 2013, at the University of Notre Dame Commencement Ceremony in Notre Dame Stadium by His Eminence Timothy Cardinal Dolan. It is perhaps the best commencement speech I have ever heard.

Thank you, Notre Dame, for the joy of your company, the gracious invitation, the warm welcome, and the high honor of this degree. 

It was so obvious I almost missed it . . . 

See, ever since, almost a year ago, Father Jenkins, with characteristic thoughtfulness, invited me to deliver this commencement address, I’ve been mulling over just what to say to you, class of 2013. 

Only Friday a week ago I still had not yet completed this talk, and I got on the train in New York City to travel to D.C. In Philadelphia, a distinguished looking man boarded the train and sat next to me. 

He turned out to be a fanatical, in-your-face, obnoxious Notre Dame alumnus! You ever met one? Nice to meet you! Now I guess I am proudly one, after the privilege of this honorary degree which I so appreciate and cherish! He begins to speak with obviously radiant pride and gratitude about Notre Dame, telling me his faithful Jewish parents wanted him to attend a Catholic college - - because, in their words. “The Church founded the universities, and educate better than anybody else” - - and reporting to me that, even as a faithful Jew, he considers his four years here at this Catholic university a gift beyond measure. When I told him I’d be here for graduation, he beamed. 

“Father,” he went on, holding my arm and looking me in the eye, “let me tell you the secret of Notre Dame. It’s not the library, as first-rate as it is; it’s not the professors and courses, as stellar as they are; it’s not the campus, as enchanting as it is, or even the football team, as legendary as it is. No, the secret of Notre Dame is really a person, whom we Jews call ‘Miriam,’ and you Christians call ‘Mary.’ She’s there ... she looks down from the ‘golden dome’; and, if you really want to discover the secret of Notre Dame, visit that grotto you Catholics call “Lourdes.” There’s something there ... no, there’s someone there ... we call her Notre Dame, and she’s the secret of her university.” 

Thank you, Howard. Hope you’re listening to me now, as you promised me on that train you would. Because with those words you solved the riddle about what I should say in these few moments. That was Mother’s Day weekend; it was May, the month dedicated to her; and I had just returned, with fifty sick and disabled people, from a pilgrimage to the “real” Lourdes in France. So obvious I had almost missed it ... I’m going to speak of Notre Dame ... Notre Dame ... our Lady .... Mary, the mother of Jesus. 

One can make the point that she’s perhaps the most important human person ever. Even history itself is divided “before” and “after” the birth she gave to her firstborn. She was there at Christmas at His birth; at Cana, His first miracle; at the foot of the cross; at Pentecost, the feast we celebrate today. 

“But when the appointed time came, God sent His own Son, born of a woman ...” St. Paul writes to the Galatians; 

“And while there in Bethlehem, Mary gave birth to her firstborn ...” records St. Luke; 

“Mary said to the servants at Cana. ‘Do whatever He tells you ...'’’ reports St. John; 

“Near the cross of Jesus stood His mother ...” recalls the Beloved Disciple; 

“The apostles were in continuous prayer, together with Mary, the mother of Jesus ...” writes St. Luke in the Acts of the Apostles, in the account of Pentecost. 

Notre Dame ... Our Lady ...

John Ruskin held that “every brightest and loftiest achievement of the arts, dreams, advancement, and progress of humanity has been but the fulfillment of that poor Israelite woman’s prayer, ‘He who is mighty has magnified me!’ ...” 

While Wordsworth extolled her as “our tainted nature’s solitary boast.” 

“All things rising, all things sizing, Mary sees sympathizing ...” ... claims Gerard Manley Hopkins, as you, the class of 2013, have sensed her maternal presence “rising, sizing, and sympathizing” these blessed years on a campus wrapped in her mantle, and praise God that Father Sorin and that pioneer band of priests and brothers of the Congregation of the Holy Cross placed this most noble endeavor under her patronage from day one 171 years ago. 

Might I propose to you, my new classmates, class of 2013, that she’s not just our patroness, but our model. It all comes down to this: she -- Miriam, Mary, Notre Dame, our Lady -- humbly, selflessly, generously, with trust, placed her life in God’s hands, allowing her life to unfold according to His plan. She gave God’s son a human nature; she gave the Eternal Word -- God the Son, the second Person of the Blessed Trinity - - flesh. That’s called the Incarnation. God became one of us. 

“And the Word became flesh, and dwelt among us.” The Incarnation ...

Now, as you complete years at this acclaimed university dedicated to her, you are asked the same pivotal question the Archangel Gabriel once posed to her: will you let God take flesh in you? Will you give God a human nature? Will He be reborn in you? Will the Incarnation continue in and through you? 

I dare say you gratefully claim that God’s Word has certainly taken flesh on this campus in your years here: in your classes and professors, in your friends and service projects, in the prayer and sacraments, in the “all-nighters” and exams, in the memories and promises.

And now it’s your turn to let God take flesh in your lives. 

You can answer the way Mary did, “Let it be done to me according Thy will” -- Fiat ... or, you can reply with a term New Yorkers use, “forgetaboutit!” 

Notre Dame challenges us to reply, Fiat! Yes! For, at her best, this university has the heart of Mary, meaning this university gives us Jesus and His Church, and clings to them both with love, loyalty, and service. 

Here at Notre Dame we do not strive to be like Harvard or Oxford, but like Bethlehem, Nazareth, Cana, Calvary, and the Upper Room at Pentecost ... with Mary, as the “Word becomes flesh” in the one who called Himself “the Way, the Truth and the Life.” 

Here our goal is not just a career, but a call; not just a degree, but discipleship; not just what we’ve gotten but what we’re giving; not just the now but eternity; not just the “I” but the “we”; not just the grades but the gospel. 

My friend on that train ride ten days ago, now my fellow alumnus of this university, will be glad to know that I took him up on it. Last night I snuck down to discover the secret of Notre Dame. Kind of a cool breeze off the lake; the voices of visiting families and friends, the songs, and laughter subsided as I got close; there were the candles, hundreds of them, with wax droppings to remind us of prayers of past generations; there many of you were, kneeling, standing, sitting on the ground; there was quiet, there was a welcome; there was light; there was peace; there was warmth; there was Notre Dame, Mary, our Lady. 

There was Bethlehem, as I saw moms, dads and grandparents beaming over their babies of twenty-two years ago, now graduates; 

There was Nazareth, as families were united in prayers of thanksgiving; 

There was Cana, as students remembered miracles;

There was Calvary, as one or two of you had tears in your eyes, perhaps recalling a past or present cross or crown of Thorns, made a bit more bearable by the one also called the Pieta. 

There was Pentecost, as this class whispered that favorite prayer of Father Hesburgh, united with Our Lady and the apostles in that Upper Room, Come, Holy Spirit! 

There, I joined my prayers with yours, with hers, and entrusted her university, with her call, her mission, her Catholic identity, her excellence, yoked to the truth of the Gospel; 

There I prayed for this class of 2013, their folks and families; 

There I prayed for Bishop Rhoades, and for our much missed Bishop D’Arcy, for Father Jenkins, the board, the alumni, the benefactors, the faculty, staff, for Father Dick Warner and Congregation of the Holy Cross. 

There I prayed for you, Howard ... because, on that train ride, you were right: at this grotto there’s a touch of the transcendent, a hint of the beyond, a whisper of the sacred, that reminds us that we’re not just minds and bodies, but hearts and immortal souls, called not to a “crap shoot” called life but an adventure in fidelity that beckons us to cast out to the deep, and, yes, even walk on water toward Him, the Son of God, the Son of Mary; she’d remind us that He has a plan for us, that these years of college have been a part of it, and that we’re happiest when our plans are consonant with His. 

There indeed was the secret of Notre Dame, not something but someone: our Lady, who gave the Divine a human nature, and invites us, equipped, please God, with what she’s given us here, to do the same! 

Congratulations Class of 2013. 

May Jesus Christ be praised!

May Notre Dame, our Lady, reign in our hearts! Tell the world our secret!